Culinary Guru Gifts

Boy ominously tells the lady of the house that the cook wants to speak to her when she has guests

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

French wine

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

Canape?

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

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'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

"Deep-dish pizza calls for deep-glass beer."

Gramma's Tators & Gravy...All You Can Eat!

Cheese