Cooking Guru Gifts

'Yes, but the carrots are still hard.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"How can you be out of wings?"

Domestic Superheroes!!

Counting ribs

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Barbecuing Aprons For Today's Guys

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I've just barbecued my head again."

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

French wine

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"