Kitchen Guru Gifts

'Why, now, my refrigerator isn't running. Who is this?'

"The Toast Whisperer"

'You're right, some of us 'gals' are pretty handy in the kitchen.'

"And that's a huge colander."

Red Letter Days - A Promotion

Pasta, Cookies, Antacids.

'Thanksgiving dinner will be ready some time in February.'

'Every wine he tastes reminds him of figs: roasted, boiled, baked, dried, stewed. He must have some sort of fig-sation.'

Doctor and patient, "Quite honestly doctor I feel like a new man"

'I don't care as long as don't end up being eaten over a sink.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"How can you be out of wings?"

Domestic Superheroes!!

Counting ribs

Lady of the Cake.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Domestic Goddess.

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Barbecuing Aprons For Today's Guys

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"I've just barbecued my head again."