Gourmet Guru T-Shirts

"Of course I love you more than cheese. What a silly question. In fact, cheese and I are just friends. Nothing's going on between cheese and me."

"Can the chef prepare it in some way no one has ever prepared anything before?"

"Ok, who just gave my cooking a 1-star review on Yelp?"

"Kids! No watching Bobby Flay before Mommy cooks dinner!"

Will work for Food Network.

"Tell them their pasta prima vera will be slightly delayed."

Man telephoning head waiter 'We're ready to order.'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'We're really sorry!'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"...the soup of today is more or less yesterday's chef's special......"

'After 25 years of research we've concluded that you should just eat, drink and be merry.'

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'I'm picking up unsubtle hints of coffee.'

'How do you like the souffle?' - 'Great, will you give me the blueprint?'

Egg faces firing squad of chefs.

'The accountants can wait, Tell them I'm tied up in a meeting with representatives from Pomerol Pommard,'

'Hmmm, ethically sourced or chocolate sauced?'

"Which of tonight's specials is the most sanctimonious?"

"Not the Cape May lump blue-claw crab cake with crème fraîche, fried quail egg, osetra caviar, duck confit, and peach con frutti again?!!"

Anatomy of a Salad

Chiens Chauds.

Doctor in the house.

'Fruity nose, hints of wild cherry, soothing & gelatinous on the palate, goes well with cough and cold.'

'Come now, Mr Symes. I am a Master Chef. I'll admit the steaks are high. But then so are the rewards.'

'Elegant presentation for your fish, but not for steak'

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

"While you were deciding, we raised our prices."

Cheese of the Week: Brie

Chef Only Uses the Freshest Ingredients

"Here you go sir, a delicious escape from the very sort of global miseries that acquiring its ingredients causes. Bon appétit."

"The food's great, but the chef's a tyrant."

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."