Insurance Gifts

'There must be some mistake. According to our actuary tables I'm going to live to 83.'

Insurance co. claims department.

'Look dear - it's a get-well-or-else card from the insurance company.'

'I think you misunderstood. The million dollar umbrella policy only covers you for claims involving an umbrella.'

"Uh-oh, your coverage doesn't seem to include illness."

'Let's see... Ah! Here it is: 'Your policy does not cover floods,earthquakes or axe of god.' Sorry about that, Mr. Finkleman.'

'Rock, you I can cover. Scissors, you're too big a risk.'

"Laughter is the best medicine, but your insurance only covers chuckles, snickers and giggles."

"This patient has a rare form of medical insurance."

"If you look carefully you'll see that all claims are invalid except on alternate Tuesdays in June and when Venus is in alignment with Mars."

"For someone your age, the yearly premium on a $5,000 policy is $8,000."

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

Disaster Waiting to Happen Room.

'If you look at paragraph 23 section 12 you'll see that your comprehensive life insurance does not in fact cover the thanksgiving holiday period.'

'Heard you had a fire last night.' 'Sh-h-h! It's tonight.'

"Risk! What do you mean, risk?"

"You can rest assured, Mrs. Wilson, that your husband will receive the best care known to medical coverage."

Home Owner's Insurance Adjuster of the Year

'Why'd we deny your claim? I'll have to check our records.'

I had a career in theatre, and television but I quit because I couldn't suppress my passion for insurance sales

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

"Quick, get me an ambulance and some Wite-Out."

I can write eight life policies naming you as beneficiary...

'Your insurance only covered the removal of the damaged organ...you'll have to put the transplant in yourself.'

'I've had a chance to look over your policy and I'm afraid you're not covered.'

'Are you prepared should one of you melt?'

"Laughter is the best medicine, which is fortunate, since that's all our health plan now offers."

'We deny most claims, but that's how we keep your premiums so low.'

'The object is to make money, not pay claims! Don't make me tell you again!'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

'Is he well enough to look at his hospital bill, doctor?'

"Actually, this is the one condition your insurance does cover."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"Come quickly—I think I had an out-of-pocket experience."

"I hope you realise this is going to raise our auto insurance premium!"