Travel Pessimist Gifts

'I've had more fun at the airport.'

The fate of the emigrant

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"I've just about had it with these corporate retreats."

Doom & Gloom

The End is Near art gallery opening.

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"My husband won't do Florida - too sunny. He's afraid of falling asleep on the beach and waking up 75-years-old."

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

'While our cases were soaking up the sun over there we were soaking up the rain over here!'

"Die alone"

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

Senior Investment Analyst R.G. Thornhill glimpses the Universe in a grain of sand and is not impressed.

'Memo: Cancel flight.'

"I just can't seem to get into the spirit of the thing."

Never choose a vacation spot by its posters.

This will be a banner day for you!

"Stop moaning - you'll ruin our weekend away..."

"This feels like the start of something that will eventually break one of our hearts."

"Welcome to the new Drone 747, remotely controlled from a rented office in Calcutta."

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! My family reunion is in Bermuda this year. But I hate flying. Ever since they started poking and prodding and x-raying and de-shoe-ung us, I swore I'd only go places to which I could drive. Are you using post-9/11 security enhancements as an excuse to avoid spending time with your annoying relatives? Because if so, I salute you. I will not be fondled by the TSA just to watch Aunt Bertha do the Electric Slide.

"I'm starting to think those rave reviews about this place are rigged."

The end is near! Wacko. The end is far!

'I tend to look on the negative side of things. Do you guys do rose coloured glasses'

'Against Joie De Vivre': Meet the author today.

Stanley Middleton

All my silver linings have clouds around them.

"If I was you...I wouldn't be worried about the future..."

"First they make you button your own shirt, then they make you tie your own shoes...you gotta ask yourself ? where's this all heading?"

'Well, I don't care WHAT you say - it's the biggest hotel pool I've ever seen!'

'About time... my parents are keeping me here against my will.'

"I hate the beach. The minute you go into the water your phone gets ruined."