Vacation Skeptics Gifts

"I've just about had it with these corporate retreats."

Holiday time.

"Now you've seen the bust how about letting me see Naples?"

"See what happens when you go swimming after eating!"

"I said isn't it great to get away from it all."

The Desert Island Package

Whale Watch: 'They migrate here each winter in search of souvenirs.'

"I'd rather be at the office."

Workaholic on a cruise

'They're out there, they swallow your stuff, and who're you gonna call?'

Death Takes A Time-Share

"My husband won't do Florida - too sunny. He's afraid of falling asleep on the beach and waking up 75-years-old."

'Ah! The great INDOORS!'

How to recognize a German tourist...

'The shrink said my holiday was hereditary - my family.'

Senior Investment Analyst R.G. Thornhill glimpses the Universe in a grain of sand and is not impressed.

"We'll see you soon, kids! Your mother and I have won a romantic cruise for two on some man's huge ark."

'It'll be a working vacation.'

Hiker and the Rodents.

Never choose a vacation spot by its posters.

"I just can't seem to get into the spirit of the thing."

'It's a good thing Dad's with us - We could have been in trouble by ourselves!'

Academics At the Beach

"My husband and I have been unsuccessful in booking our holiday over the internet"

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! My family reunion is in Bermuda this year. But I hate flying. Ever since they started poking and prodding and x-raying and de-shoe-ung us, I swore I'd only go places to which I could drive. Are you using post-9/11 security enhancements as an excuse to avoid spending time with your annoying relatives? Because if so, I salute you. I will not be fondled by the TSA just to watch Aunt Bertha do the Electric Slide.

'Don't worry. I have no intention of drinking the water.'

SS Norovirus of the Seas.

Sign pointing to the beach and in the direction of mobile phones.

Stanley Middleton

"Welcome to the new Drone 747, remotely controlled from a rented office in Calcutta."

"Without question, you're a big improvement on our last tour rep."

Southwest Hampton

'Maybe now you'll admit that we're lost!?'

"Not only do I need an escape to the beach, I need to escape the beach with a book about someone escaping their life."

"I didn't say I hated camping - I said I didn't understand camping."