Vacation Cynic Gifts

I hate the beach.

No Immediate Danger

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"I said isn't it great to get away from it all."

"I've just about had it with these corporate retreats."

Welcome to Yosemite, Hell on Earth!

"My husband won't do Florida - too sunny. He's afraid of falling asleep on the beach and waking up 75-years-old."

Death Takes A Time-Share

Senior Investment Analyst R.G. Thornhill glimpses the Universe in a grain of sand and is not impressed.

'The shrink said my holiday was hereditary - my family.'

"Your brochure led me to believe it'd have a more temperate climate."

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

"We'll see you soon, kids! Your mother and I have won a romantic cruise for two on some man's huge ark."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

'It'll be a working vacation.'

Hiker and the Rodents.

"I just can't seem to get into the spirit of the thing."

Academics At the Beach

'This is the fourth single woman to attack the Valentine's display this week.'

Sign pointing to the beach and in the direction of mobile phones.

'I'm really getting tired of all these Christmas commercials.'

Stanley Middleton

'Don't worry. I have no intention of drinking the water.'

'Maybe now you'll admit that we're lost!?'

Southwest Hampton

Scrooge: only-23-days until day after Christmas.

"...nineteen, twenty. Ready or not, here I come!"

'If you believe Christmas is over-commercialised, press the Sponsored by Cola red button.'

"Not only do I need an escape to the beach, I need to escape the beach with a book about someone escaping their life."

'About time... my parents are keeping me here against my will.'

Motorway services charging extra if you want your food cooked.

Just In - Untreated Sewage Blobs

"I hate the beach. The minute you go into the water your phone gets ruined."

"They didn't tell us this blues cruise actually gives you the blues."

"Amid rampant crime, political instability, frequent attacks by nationalist guerrillas, and numerous endemic diseases, I assure you there is no chance of boredom in this exotic tourist destination."