Cynical Traveler Gifts

"Amid rampant crime, political instability, frequent attacks by nationalist guerrillas, and numerous endemic diseases, I assure you there is no chance of boredom in this exotic tourist destination."

Standing room in airplanes.

Motorway services charging extra if you want your food cooked.

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

Famous Oxymorons...

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

Will Self deprecation

Are we evolved yet? Are we evolved yet? Are we evolved yet?

"You mean to tell me I can only vote against one Congressman?"

Excess Baggage: The younger the traveler, the greater the amount of luggage required.

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

The Feng Shui of the road must be off.

Stonehenge Books

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

'Yes is no longer god enough. Can I get an Amen?'

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

'That's it?'

'It's a deal -- I'll introduce a bill to bail out your country club, and you'll introduce a bill to bail out my country club!'

"Nah...not really...he's only won one game!" (Clever dog).

'No wonder people are cynical about government. Fooling some of the people all the time no longer works.'

'According to the voice-stress analyzer, he's not going to lower taxes.'

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

The great big holiday to-do list.

"This looks cool, Mum, a university offering a degree course in Greed."

"...and, if elected, I promise never to tell another lie...oh, there I go again!"

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

The bipartisan election cycle: 'Every 2 years without fail, I perform my patriotic duty and vote the bums out.'

'I suffer. What do you do?'

"Our curriculum focusses less on rote memorization and more on putzing around."