Cynical Traveler T-Shirts

"Amid rampant crime, political instability, frequent attacks by nationalist guerrillas, and numerous endemic diseases, I assure you there is no chance of boredom in this exotic tourist destination."

Standing room in airplanes.

Motorway services charging extra if you want your food cooked.

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

Famous Oxymorons...

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

Excess Baggage: The younger the traveler, the greater the amount of luggage required.

Will Self deprecation

"You mean to tell me I can only vote against one Congressman?"

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

The Feng Shui of the road must be off.

Stonehenge Books

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

'Yes is no longer god enough. Can I get an Amen?'

'That's it?'

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

'It's a deal -- I'll introduce a bill to bail out your country club, and you'll introduce a bill to bail out my country club!'

"Nah...not really...he's only won one game!" (Clever dog).

The great big holiday to-do list.

"...and, if elected, I promise never to tell another lie...oh, there I go again!"

'No wonder people are cynical about government. Fooling some of the people all the time no longer works.'

The bipartisan election cycle: 'Every 2 years without fail, I perform my patriotic duty and vote the bums out.'

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

'According to the voice-stress analyzer, he's not going to lower taxes.'

"This looks cool, Mum, a university offering a degree course in Greed."

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

'I suffer. What do you do?'

"Our curriculum focusses less on rote memorization and more on putzing around."

"Why do you hate leap years?"