Cynicism Explorer Gifts

'No wonder people are cynical about government. Fooling some of the people all the time no longer works.'

'...Huh! It's not like he means it...'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

The Forever Stamp

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

Will Self deprecation

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

Bush vs. America