Cynicism Collector Gifts

'You give me this Christmas card every year.'

"He's our man. He's our guy. He lies less than those other guys!"

"Let's see if we can't make an end run around basic human decency."

2020 vs. 2023

Life Officially Sucks (newspaper headline)

'The world is coming to an end game!'

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

The Forever Stamp

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Nothing pays off more than a million dollars donated to the political campaigns of a few key politicians!"

Bush vs. America

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

'Huh! Nobody home!'

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

*2020

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

Sucking Up to Gen X

'No wonder people are cynical about government. Fooling some of the people all the time no longer works.'

Born Cynical,,,,

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

Information and Still don't get it.

"I started out looking for an honest man and settled for a guy with creative bookkeeping skills."