Cynical Comedy Collector Gifts

"I don't know what MADNESS is going on down there, I do know they've run out of TOILET ROLLS!"

Occu-Pie Mars

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Build your very own conflict of interest!

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

Banana Split...

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

E-Baying @ The Moon

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

"The Eggsorcist"

Turtle Hat

Filet minion

Snowmobull

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

A trevor of trainspotters

"Whose the new guy?"

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

'I don't like to brag, but I'm the guy who coined the phrase, 'Honey, I'm Home'.'

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

'ANYTHING to get down the ruddy boozer!'

The embarrassment of mistaking a salon for a saloon.

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

An Extraordinary Pointer

Rent a Room With Hot Water