Cynical Collector Gifts

'I need a Empathy/Apathy card - one that says I understand but I don't care.'

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Mixed Doubles.

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

The Forever Stamp

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

The water desk

"It would appear they worshipped the almighty dollar."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

The Government That Cried Wolf

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"If the press brings up your past just double down on 'The sky is falling!'."

Dirty Tricks Dept.

'Thanks for not asking for a rise.'

'I'm not saying I'm honest -- I'm saying that I'm afraid of getting caught!'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"Nothing pays off more than a million dollars donated to the political campaigns of a few key politicians!"

Money Snowglobe

Hissy-fits for sale.

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Cash Rebate

Giraffe's Ice-cream.

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

Bush vs. America

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

'Hey, wait a minute †you're not a dolphin!'

Sucking Up to Gen X

*2020