Cynic Appreciator Gifts

"He brought joy to tens."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Maybe I'm jaded, but it seems like nothing's worth smelling anymore."

Vote Zbufski! He could be worse.

'I had the necklace you gave me appraised. And wouldn't you know it... fool's gold!'

'Do you think it's too early for Christmas shopping?'

"Can you see it, Bob? Green grass, warm breeze, flip flops. . . spring is coming!"

"And I suppose you believe everything you read?"

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

Cow Kong

The Forever Stamp

Big business is not evil

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

Dirty Tricks Dept.

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"If the press brings up your past just double down on 'The sky is falling!'."

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"He's been up all night and fell asleep at the wheel."

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

'This model comes with F.S.H - P.S. - E.W. - C.C. - A.B.S and B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.'

Starving Artist Show has paintings of food.

'So you say, 'Tom, how do I become filthy rich?' Why, that's easy. By scamming others the way I'm about to scam you.'

"Let's see if we can't make an end run around basic human decency."

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

'The demeanor of this judicial panel doesn't bode well for your appeal.'

Information and Still don't get it.

Please, please please let me be the one to tell him we outsourced his job.