Cynicism Admirer Gifts

"I started out looking for an honest man and settled for a guy with creative bookkeeping skills."

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"Nihilistic customer service"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

The Forever Stamp

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

Diogenes and tourists

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

Born Cynical,,,,

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"Let's see if we can't make an end run around basic human decency."

Information and Still don't get it.

"You can't put a price on all those years of marriage." "Au contraire!"

"I was an incurable romantic until I met Martha's divorce lawyer."

"The difference between criminal geniuses and politicians is none of them are geniuses."

"I've had a few days to calm down and process things and I've come to the realization that I was wrong to have had faith in humanity."

"He's our man. He's our guy. He lies less than those other guys!"