Cynicism Enthusiasts Gifts

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

The Forever Stamp

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

Diogenes and tourists

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'Well, John, in the past two years you've gone from being extremely depressed to being basically unhappy like the rest of us. My work here is done.'

'Always remember, son...there's an unsuspecting public out there.'

Born Cynical,,,,

'I'm promoting you from yes-man to corporate stooge.'

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"Everything has been done to death."

"Let's see if we can't make an end run around basic human decency."

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."