Cynicism Enthusiasts Prints

Diogenes has lowered his target from finding an honest man --- Now he just looks for a reality show that doesn't feel scripted.

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

"Nihilistic customer service"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

The Forever Stamp

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

Diogenes and tourists

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

iDeasy

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

Bush vs. America

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'Well, John, in the past two years you've gone from being extremely depressed to being basically unhappy like the rest of us. My work here is done.'

'Huh! Nobody home!'

Sucking Up to Gen X

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"Let's see if we can't make an end run around basic human decency."

'Always remember, son...there's an unsuspecting public out there.'

*2020

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

"Everything has been done to death."