Cynicism Appreciator Gifts

What day is it? What difference does it make?

'Nonsense, Frank! Can't pay them! Why, before we were married you told me you were well off.' 'So I was. But I didn't know it!'

'I wonder if I can reschedule the grocery delivery for Thursday instead of Tuesday?'

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

"I'm afraid you've come to the wrong place, Mr. Willis. This is the bank that DOESN'T care."

New Year

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

"Nihilistic customer service"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

The Forever Stamp

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

Bush vs. America

Diogenes and tourists

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

'Huh! Nobody home!'

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

"Let's see if we can't make an end run around basic human decency."

*2020

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

Born Cynical,,,,

Sucking Up to Gen X

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

Information and Still don't get it.

"I started out looking for an honest man and settled for a guy with creative bookkeeping skills."