Cynicism Connoisseur Gifts

The Forever Stamp

Give up.

Satan's Minion.

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"I've had a few days to calm down and process things and I've come to the realization that I was wrong to have had faith in humanity."

'Besides being able to spend other people's money, why do you want to get elected?'

'She said the Skeptic's Club has been disbanded due to doubts about the leadership, but I don't buy that baloney for one minute.'

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"My kid could do that."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

Bush vs. America

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

'Well, John, in the past two years you've gone from being extremely depressed to being basically unhappy like the rest of us. My work here is done.'

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

'Huh! Nobody home!'

"Let's see if we can't make an end run around basic human decency."

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

"Everything has been done to death."

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."