Cynicism Connoisseur Pillows

The Forever Stamp

Give up.

Satan's Minion.

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"I've had a few days to calm down and process things and I've come to the realization that I was wrong to have had faith in humanity."

'Besides being able to spend other people's money, why do you want to get elected?'

'She said the Skeptic's Club has been disbanded due to doubts about the leadership, but I don't buy that baloney for one minute.'

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"My kid could do that."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

'Well, John, in the past two years you've gone from being extremely depressed to being basically unhappy like the rest of us. My work here is done.'

'I'm promoting you from yes-man to corporate stooge.'

'Always remember, son...there's an unsuspecting public out there.'

"Let's see if we can't make an end run around basic human decency."

'No wonder people are cynical about government. Fooling some of the people all the time no longer works.'

"Everything has been done to death."

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."