Cynicism Connoisseurs Pillows

"The bad news is we'll go down in history as supporting the overthrow of an election. The good news is nobody reads history."

The Forever Stamp

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

"He's a mental-health critic."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"Let's see if we can't make an end run around basic human decency."

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

'No wonder people are cynical about government. Fooling some of the people all the time no longer works.'

Information and Still don't get it.

"I started out looking for an honest man and settled for a guy with creative bookkeeping skills."

"I've had a few days to calm down and process things and I've come to the realization that I was wrong to have had faith in humanity."

"You can't put a price on all those years of marriage." "Au contraire!"

Mail & Political lies.

"The difference between criminal geniuses and politicians is none of them are geniuses."

"He's our man. He's our guy. He lies less than those other guys!"

'At $12 a glass, I want it to spit out what it drank.'