Cynicism Aficionados Pillows

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

65 Million Years Ago

The Forever Stamp

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

Diogenes and tourists

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'Well, John, in the past two years you've gone from being extremely depressed to being basically unhappy like the rest of us. My work here is done.'

"Let's see if we can't make an end run around basic human decency."

'Always remember, son...there's an unsuspecting public out there.'

'I'm promoting you from yes-man to corporate stooge.'

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

"Everything has been done to death."

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

'Our government is comprised of three branches - politicians, lobbyists, and the media.'

Information and Still don't get it.

'The following program may not be suitable for those of you who are sick and tired of politics....'