Cynical Humor Aficionados Pillows

iDeasy

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

Tunnel of Love/Lover's Leap.

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

Ahh! The sounds of nature! Peep peep. Tweet tweet! Twitter. Croak croak. Sniff sniff. Ribbit. Human nature. Twitter twitter. Tippity tap tap. Cackle cackle! Bleep bleep.

Stairlift around cliff face.

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

Unemotional Support Animal

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

65 Million Years Ago

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

Stormy weather

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

"Hey, Mom! Check it out! Dad converted his gardo paints to passenger pants!"

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

"He looks just like your husband."

Cheating Death.

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

"WOW, we're on top of the world!"

First we thought the apes would conquer the world...When in reality we've been busy mining the end of the world all along.

"Very Presidential."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

"He doesn’t say much, but he thinks a lot."

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'