Cynicism Collectors Gifts

'So, I told him, 'Reality is for people who can't handle drugs'.'

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

The Forever Stamp

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

"Nothing pays off more than a million dollars donated to the political campaigns of a few key politicians!"

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"Let's see if we can't make an end run around basic human decency."

Born Cynical,,,,

'No wonder people are cynical about government. Fooling some of the people all the time no longer works.'

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

'Our government is comprised of three branches - politicians, lobbyists, and the media.'

Information and Still don't get it.

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'