Cynical Collector Pillows

'I need a Empathy/Apathy card - one that says I understand but I don't care.'

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Mixed Doubles.

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

The Forever Stamp

"It would appear they worshipped the almighty dollar."

The water desk

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'Thanks for not asking for a rise.'

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

Dirty Tricks Dept.

"If the press brings up your past just double down on 'The sky is falling!'."

'I'm not saying I'm honest -- I'm saying that I'm afraid of getting caught!'

"Nothing pays off more than a million dollars donated to the political campaigns of a few key politicians!"

Giraffe's Ice-cream.

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Hissy-fits for sale.

Cash Rebate

Money Snowglobe

"Robust, full-bodied bouquet with just a hint of bitter, mean-spirited despair."

'So you say, 'Tom, how do I become filthy rich?' Why, that's easy. By scamming others the way I'm about to scam you.'

'Hey, wait a minute †you're not a dolphin!'

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

"Let's see if we can't make an end run around basic human decency."

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."