Cynicism Collector Pillows

'You give me this Christmas card every year.'

"He's our man. He's our guy. He lies less than those other guys!"

"Let's see if we can't make an end run around basic human decency."

2020 vs. 2023

Life Officially Sucks (newspaper headline)

'The world is coming to an end game!'

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

The Forever Stamp

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Nothing pays off more than a million dollars donated to the political campaigns of a few key politicians!"

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

Born Cynical,,,,

'No wonder people are cynical about government. Fooling some of the people all the time no longer works.'

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

Information and Still don't get it.

"I started out looking for an honest man and settled for a guy with creative bookkeeping skills."

"I've had a few days to calm down and process things and I've come to the realization that I was wrong to have had faith in humanity."

"The difference between criminal geniuses and politicians is none of them are geniuses."

Mail & Political lies.

"I was an incurable romantic until I met Martha's divorce lawyer."

"You can't put a price on all those years of marriage." "Au contraire!"