Cynicism Gifts

'What's the catch?'

'I begun like you, with nothing but my bare hands. Look at me now! Only 25 years later, I'm begging with my own hat! Geez, I love this country! Everybody can make it here!'

The power of positive thinking is born, followed immediately by the birth of the politely bemused, cynical retort.

"It's from the University Of Life.. you didn't get in."

Zeno Gives Directions

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

But, I guess what it comes down to is this, in a world so full of pain and suffering, at least I can say I wore fun ties.'

'I like this. It's cynical and patriotic.'

'Huh! Nobody home!'

Happy Valley...Cynic Route, next exit.

"It's possible I suppose, but not before the strong have stripped it of everything worth having of course!"

"I started out looking for an honest man and settled for a guy with creative bookkeeping skills."

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

'I suppose I'll get married some day - I just don't want to be there when it happens.'

The Little Engine With Unrealistic Expectations

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

Me vs everybody else

*2020

'...Huh! It's not like he means it...'

"I was an incurable romantic until I met Martha's divorce lawyer."

"Of course there's no food! I didn't expect anyone to be here."

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"My wife tells me I'm a skeptic. . . but I don't believe anything she says!"

'Oh, sure-- we're immortal SO FAR.'

'You'll love Elliot, Father, He despises everyone even more than you do!'

Born Cynical,,,,

The Forever Stamp

'You know, this is a waste of time every day for both of us -- why don't we look into direct deposit?'

"People extra suck"

"Nihilistic customer service"

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Breakfast is my favorite meal because the day hasn't been ruined yet."

"Really? If I had a law degree I'd be panhandling by the Courthouse.''

"I don't like hearing happy stories."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."