Cruise Cynic Gifts

"The cruise is off dear, apparently I've just joined the Navy!"

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

Obama builds own gallows.

Pussycat says to Owl: 'This is rubbish, can we PLEASE do Ibiza next year?'

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

'No wonder people are cynical about government. Fooling some of the people all the time no longer works.'

Defend the Cult of Militant Nonviolence!

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

'This is the fourth single woman to attack the Valentine's display this week.'

"Did he give it all to the poor, or just the after salary and expenses part?"

'I hate these romance cruises.'

If Kitschy Film Dialogues Were Really Realistic. . .

'It's bad enough that the stupid cruise ship didn't pick us up...'

'An authentic Viking experience, you said. The cruise of a lifetime, you said. It'll be awesome, you said.'

'In retrospect, we should never have booked this titanic-themed cruise.'

SS Norovirus of the Seas.

'I'm really getting tired of all these Christmas commercials.'

"Can you believe my parents? Taking a 2-week cruise on my future inheritance!"

Scrooge: only-23-days until day after Christmas.

'If you believe Christmas is over-commercialised, press the Sponsored by Cola red button.'

'Don't tell me about the basic goodness of children - as soon as there were two, Cain killed Abel!'

'What the hey, Lorrain This is the last time we use your travel agent,'

Such a Coincidence

"Amid rampant crime, political instability, frequent attacks by nationalist guerrillas, and numerous endemic diseases, I assure you there is no chance of boredom in this exotic tourist destination."

'That's the last time you talk me into one of these party cruises!'

'Is that the Acme Travel Agency? I'm complaining about the lousy food on board ship!'

"Show-off!"

"Well, everything's going great! I guess it's time to bring in the naysayers."

All is vanity

Motorway services charging extra if you want your food cooked.

Prison on an airplane

'It was rated on all the travel websits, best economy cruise.'

"Here's to even lower expectations in the New Year."

'I can't wait to get this holiday of a lifetime over so I can get back to my banal existence.'