Cruise Critics Gifts

Royal Covid-ean

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Technically, it's a mammal."

'Great cruise. When does the buffet open?'

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

"Try to get him away from that bloody whip...Pass it on."

"You just had to book the economy cruise, didn't you?"

Excess Baggage: When you are on a cruise and they say the ship leaves at 5:30, they really mean the ship leaves at 5:30.

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"I thought the travel agent said 40% off."

The Red Carpet

'It always great to get away from it all.'

"Well, we've learned that passengers will mutiny if they are served meatloaf two days in a row... Even if you do call it the South Sea Surprise on the second day!"

'The marvelous thing about a Singles cruise is, if you don't find an interesting man, you can drown your sorrows with interesting food.'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

'I can't get them to leave. They want to sign up for another cruise.'

"Ted's been down in the dumps since they started giving greed a bad name."

'This MUST be our ship!'

Excess Baggage: Take lots of photos on your cruise so you can show folks what you looked like before you gained those 20 pounds.

"This next tune is dedicated to my wife, who is currently away on a cruise. I call it, 'The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea'."

"My therapist said next time he tries to put his head in my mouth I've to politely refuse"

"I'll go on a cruise, but not if I'm forced to learn things."

This is our great new cruise to the Middle East - 40 days and 40 nights.

'You mean you don't have a bowling alley on board? And you call yourself a cruise ship?'

"We're keen on a round-the-world cruise."

Pretending To Care

'You're always taking the fun out of everything!'

Not the Love Boat.

"What's the best ailment I could claim to convince my husband that I need a luxury cruise?"

'One week on a boat, one day on a dinky island, then another whole week on the same monster ship, and you call it a vacation?'

"It's a trashy, unrealistic romance novel about a beautiful maiden and an equally handsome prince who fall instantly and passionately in love...naturally it's a New York Times Bestseller!"

'I need to lose enough pounds to take a thirty-five meal cruise!'