Cruise Skeptic Gifts

SS Norovirus of the Seas.

Cutaway view of Ocean liner.

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Hold on, I'll get the camera.'

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'Great cruise. When does the buffet open?'

'See you in two weeks!'

Excess Baggage: When you are on a cruise and they say the ship leaves at 5:30, they really mean the ship leaves at 5:30.

Excess Baggage: You never have to worry about finding your way around those humongous new cruise ships. Your stomach will lead you.

'The marvelous thing about a Singles cruise is, if you don't find an interesting man, you can drown your sorrows with interesting food.'

"Well, we've learned that passengers will mutiny if they are served meatloaf two days in a row... Even if you do call it the South Sea Surprise on the second day!"

Skiing at Sea

Cruise.

'The travel agent says there's nothing available on the port side. Do you want me to see if she's got anything on the sherry side?'

Viking River Raids

'We are now passing through the Sicilian Triangle, otherwise known as 'The Drink','

Excess Baggage: Take lots of photos on your cruise so you can show folks what you looked like before you gained those 20 pounds.

"Welcome to the staff! The compensation is generous and they have good benefits. They're cutting out our paid Bahamas cruise though, because too many employees never came back."

"This next tune is dedicated to my wife, who is currently away on a cruise. I call it, 'The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea'."

'I can't get them to leave. They want to sign up for another cruise.'

Tui River Cruise

Workaholic on a cruise

'This MUST be our ship!'

"I've just about had it with these corporate retreats."

"So did you folks have a nice vacation?"

"I'll go on a cruise, but not if I'm forced to learn things."

'I needed a break, so I thought I'd take a personal day... then I saw this ad and decided to take 7 personal days.'

The Bonvoy Age...

"Just when you thought every possible permutation of the cookery contest show had been exhausted here's Battlechefs. A cookery contest show on a ship!"

'I need to lose enough pounds to take a thirty-five meal cruise!'

"My husband won't do Florida - too sunny. He's afraid of falling asleep on the beach and waking up 75-years-old."

"What's the best ailment I could claim to convince my husband that I need a luxury cruise?"

'You're always taking the fun out of everything!'

Battle chefs

'One week on a boat, one day on a dinky island, then another whole week on the same monster ship, and you call it a vacation?'