Circus Critic Gifts

"Kids terrify me."

"It's sort of like riding a bicycle. Once you learn how, you never forget."

'...Your high wire act isn't that impressive.'

"My therapist said next time he tries to put his head in my mouth I've to politely refuse"

"To be perfectly honest, I don't mind the riders, it's the clowns I'm afraid of..."

Why Elephants Go Crazy

"Try to get him away from that bloody whip...Pass it on."

"We seem to be the only animals here."

'Believe me, I was not a Dancing-Bear by choice: It was slavery!'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

A sheep dog has stacked the sheep four high - 'He used to be with the circus before he came to the farm...!'

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'Lion Tamer experience hey? Well, I have a project currently needing your management skills...'

Litter Tray Training

Job Vacancy: Human cannonball. Applicants must of the right calibre

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

Cat tries to reach a birdfeeder on stilts.

The Tightrope Balancing Act of Home Ownership and Interest Rates.

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

Giant ape juggling planes and captive.

'He's maturing early.'

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

'I think I see what's making your funny noise.'

"You call this sweating bullets over the Jackson account? What caliber?"

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

Two circus clowns see each other dressed for a costume party.

'I have a feeling one day when he grows up he'll be an artist of some kind.'

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

Balloon dog poos.