Casino Critics Gifts

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

Dog in casino.

'Play post office? -- I don't like violent games.'

"Try to get him away from that bloody whip...Pass it on."

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

Slug roulette

"No coal here, either - but you never know until you look."

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'It's a penny slot--give me a hundred.'

'I need to find a loose machine like that.'

How Patrick Moore chooses a hotel..."Hmmm four stars".

'My wife encourages this. She thinks I'm playing the Russian version.'

Destination casinos...

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"Hot off the wire! In the latest poll, 99% of voters say they will be glad when the election is over... The poll has an error rate of plus or minus 2%."

Tonto Casino.

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"Today on the ask Sadie show, we'll be addressing one single topic: 'Wolverine.' Specifically, we'll be talking about how most of you freaks who were obsessed with it for months are no longer talking about it. You people today have the attention span of a chimpanzee!!! That's an average of about 20 seconds, for those of you who still remember what I just said."

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

'Las Vegas: What happens here, is a lot less than what was happening here two years ago.'

'Occupy Wall Street protesters?'

Visit Las Vegas! The city that never sleeps' ot even takes a nap!: 'Because of competition, they had to raise the ante!'

'Our ceiling is under repair--sorry.'

'This is the third one today. Why can't the gynecologists have their convention someplace other than Vegas?'

"I think I need a professional money manager. I invest sixty five percent of my money gambling in casinos and thirty five percent I keep under the mattress."

'The only thing better than being comped an '83 Amarone, is having a girlfriend who isn't a wine drinker.'