Casino Critics Gifts

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Dog in casino.

"Try to get him away from that bloody whip...Pass it on."

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

'Play post office? -- I don't like violent games.'

"No coal here, either - but you never know until you look."

Slug roulette

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'It's a penny slot--give me a hundred.'

'My wife encourages this. She thinks I'm playing the Russian version.'

How Patrick Moore chooses a hotel..."Hmmm four stars".

Destination casinos...

'I need to find a loose machine like that.'

Charlie Beck Loves Austin Beutner

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"Hot off the wire! In the latest poll, 99% of voters say they will be glad when the election is over... The poll has an error rate of plus or minus 2%."

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

Tonto Casino.

"I don't have any opinions, and my wife things whatever Oprah thinks,."

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

'Our ceiling is under repair--sorry.'

'Las Vegas: What happens here, is a lot less than what was happening here two years ago.'

Visit Las Vegas! The city that never sleeps' ot even takes a nap!: 'Because of competition, they had to raise the ante!'

"Today on the ask Sadie show, we'll be addressing one single topic: 'Wolverine.' Specifically, we'll be talking about how most of you freaks who were obsessed with it for months are no longer talking about it. You people today have the attention span of a chimpanzee!!! That's an average of about 20 seconds, for those of you who still remember what I just said."

'Occupy Wall Street protesters?'

'This is the third one today. Why can't the gynecologists have their convention someplace other than Vegas?'

"I think I need a professional money manager. I invest sixty five percent of my money gambling in casinos and thirty five percent I keep under the mattress."