Tourism Critics Gifts

Desert island 'Help' cards

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

How Patrick Moore chooses a hotel..."Hmmm four stars".

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"I've just about had it with these corporate retreats."

"A large donation usually calms him down."

"The whole thing's much smaller than it seemed on TV."

"Actually, take us to your gift shop first."

Up Pariscope.

'Memo: Cancel flight.'

"I think I see it, guys!" "That's a rock." "Look! A dead snake." "Here's an old balloon... I think!" "World's smallest ball of twine."

Pussycat says to Owl: 'This is rubbish, can we PLEASE do Ibiza next year?'

Galley Plane.

"I thought you said you paid extra for a cabinet with a Seaview."

Foreclosure.

'In retrospect, we should never have booked this titanic-themed cruise.'

"Can you believe my parents? Taking a 2-week cruise on my future inheritance!"

'I already work for food. I just want to try a cheeseburger for once!!'

Hotel: Price List

"Animals? Yes, sir, we're working on that."

"You should have been more specific when you booked a room with a sea view."

"I'm starting to think those rave reviews about this place are rigged."

'Tunnel of divorce'

'Is that the Acme Travel Agency? I'm complaining about the lousy food on board ship!'

"Show-off!"

Poverty in Tourist Attractions