Fortune Cynic Gifts

All is vanity

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

"So what is the true need for this project?" "To make me look good."

'This Libor rate scandal gives new meaning to the term 'Fixed'-rate mortgage.'

It's the same ingredients and aftertaste as stimulus 1..."

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

Banker stepping into 'New image' in 'Savings and Loans' office

"Trust me, there is no subsidized lunch."

'You're too big to fail and be fired, but too small to move up to the job you'd like'

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

Unsocial Networking.

'My goal is to be a failure and accept a colossal golden parachute.'

Jones, Needham, Pinkner, Fortney - Just doing their jobs.

Obama builds own gallows.

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

"Well, if you can't trust software upgrades, who can you trust?"

The Fed: Problems and the solution.

"To increase consumer optimism, we're going to put Prozac in the drinking water."

"Just saying, if you can't trust your software upgrades, what can you trust?"

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

'I hate my boss!...'

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

The first accurate poll.

'Oh I've always been a sceptic, through all my past lives.'