Financial Cynic Gifts

'You've filled out the loan application properly. Would you like an immediate denial, or one with the added drama of time?'

'This Libor rate scandal gives new meaning to the term 'Fixed'-rate mortgage.'

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

'Miggs! It's me, Felson!'

'Good news! You've been approved for higher limits on your credit card.'

The Fed: Problems and the solution.

'This is MY answer to the crisis.'

Banker stepping into 'New image' in 'Savings and Loans' office

"Nah, I'm not coming for you yet. You still owe on that stupid time share."

"It's an emergency!"

Nutty Wall Street Sighting.

'Wow! Money to burn!'

'Unfortunately, Mr. Hemford, there is no cure, unless you pay your $1,000 deductible.'

Recession Bites.

"I'd like to get a second opinion on your bill."

Today's Topic: "Money talks." In my case, very sarcastically.

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

'Good job on screwing up the economy. Now make global warming worse.'

'Of course I can't die, have you seen the price of funerals?'

Medical expenses: 'I can't pay more out of pocket - I'm out of pockets!'

'No money?... No insurance?... You only THINK you're sick.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

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"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

Stock market investment advice

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

'The company's in great shape financially. Hey, a bent but still usable staple!'

Go slow delegating authority. First learn how to delegate blame.

'We use a modified 'carrot and stick' approach here - We've done away with the carrot.'