Stock Market Cynic Gifts

"I told you it would be a mistake linking directors' pay to profits."

'Martha Stewart thought she had complete blanket coverage, oops!' [Obscured speech: 'It's a good thing.']

What a punishment! But be strong - only ten more years to go!

'I think the best time to sell this stock would be six months ago.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

Stock market investment advice

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

"But will it distract the public's attention enough that they mindlessly buy our products?"

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

The Contrarian funds

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

"Stocks rose today on news that even higher taxes won't stop the rich from getting richer."

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

"So what is the true need for this project?" "To make me look good."

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'There's no correlation to stock prices. It's just a 'feel good' graph.'

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'

'This Libor rate scandal gives new meaning to the term 'Fixed'-rate mortgage.'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

It's the same ingredients and aftertaste as stimulus 1..."

Targets

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

'I'm calling my invention 'IPO'.'

Banker stepping into 'New image' in 'Savings and Loans' office

"Trust me, there is no subsidized lunch."

'Polly wants a Nasdaqer...Polly wants a Nasdaqer...'

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'