Stock Market Critic Gifts

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

Day trading.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

World Economic Crisis.

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

Stock market investment advice

"He'll do anything to say in power."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

"I will now fend off questions from the audience."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

'I'll be in late, Ms.Fernwood. Did I get any important margin calls, default, stock splits, foreclosures or bailouts?'

'Dad 'If Jack brought 10,000 shares at $3 and he sold 75% of them to Larry for $8 before the value went down to $2, what did Jack end up with?''

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

What happens when the bears are running the market.

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

'Superstock'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark

'I love the name. Now that we've gone public, what do you think we ought to do?'

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

First Church of the Almighty Dollar.