Satirical Stock Market Enthusiast Gifts

'We still attract money from investors who have a more original and basic concept of the world.'

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

A child runs an equity stand.

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"Cheer up, if this carries on we could become a very attractive takeover target.

Dow Jones drop

Bookstore. The Stock Market for Dummies. It's either an instructional guide or a history of recent economics.

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

'Greenspan said today the alert staus for the possible interest rate has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

Smiling businessman with rising profits

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

Jumping Wall Street.

...I wonder who started the rumour of your resignation?

"We're always excited to hear from analysts who are bullish on the market."

Worried man looking at stock market chart on his computer screen with office party going on in the background.

'I've never seen a stock crash so hard.'

"Oooh! I think I just felt our stock split."

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

Snowflake Investments...penny stocks, junk bonds: 'Here today, gone tomorrow!'

Out of control

Long and Short term investments.