Stock Market Satire Fan Gifts

'Evil' rose 3 points today...'Good' dropped 2.5...

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

'I wonder how the economy is doing.'

Greek Crisis

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

The Contrarian funds

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

Stock Market Research and Analysis

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

Golden bubbles

'I blame Iceland - it's PAYBACK!'

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

The truth about the death of the Dinosaurs.

"Humpty Dumpty had a great fall? Was he invested in emerging markets?"

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

'It's a deal, for $15 an hour, I'll stand in front of your office.'

'Polly wants a Nasdaqer...Polly wants a Nasdaqer...'

'Your investments in sub prime mortgages have become collectors items now! Aren't you excited?'

"Can money buy happiness? Certainly not the amount I'm paying you."