Stock Market Comedy Fan Gifts

"Tell me again how buying nut futures will help me this winter..."

'Now that I have your attention...'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

Loan Alley

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

Jumping Wall Street.

Greek Crisis

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

The Contrarian funds

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

Stock Market Research and Analysis

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

Golden bubbles

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

News and Magazines. Record Debt. Dollar Down. How can the dollar be weak when we've been giving it such a good workout?

Black hole-in-the-wall at Jodrell Bank