Stock Market Humorist Gifts

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

'Facebook stock dropped on news that a psychologist said facebook friends are not real friends.'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

"Thank you gentlemen for voting me as chairman."

"This is a penny stock. This is a prime stock and this is a laughing stock."

Pork Stock Exchange

'Follow me. It's the stock market. It's gone this way.'

New York Stock Exchange: Feed the bears at your own risk.

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

Stockmarket - Sell my grandmother.

"Today on wall street, advances led declines...but that was just office romances."

Jack and his Bean Stock.

And Amanda will be handling stock futures.

"Intraday I was really drunk."

"Actually, I was hoping for someone more bullish as my broker."

"The three signs of a recession: the stock market is down. . . the market is down more. . . the market is way down."

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

"Your stock portfolio needs a theme song - how about 'I got plenty o' nuttin'?"

"I have to do something when the stock market is up."

"I'm sorry but here we have a strict policy about hiring anyone who's squirmish about investing"

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

Morgue for Dot Com Stocks

'Sorry, I've some bad news about your nest egg.'

'Sounds like a good stock - I'll take a six-pack.'

The Dunlop Fund: We cater to the small investor.

'You promised not to wear your investment head at this dinner party.'

Investments: Free Bumper Stickers for Customers.

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

Trading Floor

'Hold on to your Enron stock. It could become a valuable collector's item one day.'

'He's a stock market 'buzzard'? -- what does that mean?', 'He eats the dead bulls and bears.'

'Let's all link hands and think positive thoughts.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Will work for ETFs