Stock Market Satirists Gifts

"Humpty Dumpty had a great fall? Was he invested in emerging markets?"

"Stocks and bonds, we can't go wrong. Wasn't that what you said?"

It's 10:00 P.M. Do you know where your bundled mortgage is?

Spot the difference.

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

The Contrarian funds

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

This government special reserve fund is like a cookie jar for crooked cronies!

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

"I wrote a letter to the Wall Street Journal saying the term 'Bear Market' makes me look like a loser, but they didn't print it."

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

Stock Market Research and Analysis

Your son has a genetic inability to calculate. This forecasts for him a brilliant career in the Ministry of Finance.

"We disagree with the president - we kinda like Robin Hood - we take from everyone and keep it - how much more successful can you get?"

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"