Stock Market Satire Gifts

Stock Market: Please insert money HERE!

"Well, we've just run out of toilet paper, but I guess we can use our stock options instead."

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

The Contrarian funds

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

"Today the market closed at exactly the right price, and all buyers and sellers were very happy."

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

"Humpty Dumpty had a great fall? Was he invested in emerging markets?"

'The plan was idiot-proof. Unfortunately, someone came up with a superior idiot.'

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

'Polly wants a Nasdaqer...Polly wants a Nasdaqer...'

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

'I'm calling my invention 'IPO'.'

Clancy: Extending Overdrafts

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

'Greenspan today explained the reason the Fed faises interest rates is so they can lower them again.'

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

"This is a penny stock. This is a prime stock and this is a laughing stock."

"We've lowered our IPO price so many times, the Street's referring to it as an Initial Pathetic Offer."