Finance Satire Gifts

Independent Financial Advisor

Spot the difference.

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

The transparent safe box of Panama

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

'I wonder how the economy is doing.'

Greek Crisis

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

This government special reserve fund is like a cookie jar for crooked cronies!

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

'I blame Iceland - it's PAYBACK!'

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

Your son has a genetic inability to calculate. This forecasts for him a brilliant career in the Ministry of Finance.

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

Golden bubbles

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

"We disagree with the president - we kinda like Robin Hood - we take from everyone and keep it - how much more successful can you get?"

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

Offshore tax havens.

'Cutting back to a single securities regulator is a good idea. After that, one more reduction and our troubles are over.'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

Bank of Cyprus-sia

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."