Financial Satire Enthusiast Gifts

"We won't be mailing out our quarterly report. Our profits were obscene and postal regulations prohibit mailing obscene material."

Man passes beggar with '.com' sign.

'Your mutual fund is being managed by a 10-time loser.'

'Financial services at your service - I recommend transferring your money to me - no fee.'

'Goldman Sachs defrauds the world!'

Growth Measurements - Too big to fix?

"I know you have credit challenges, but I think I have a loan program that will get you into your dream cell."

'I've lost my job, my house has been repossessed, loan sharks at my door...'

'You wanted to see the head of the bank...'

'I invested in that religious website based on faulty financial information they gave me. I'm the victim of a false profit.'

The Big Economic Fix Is On: All the so-called safety nets will be as useless as a hard hat in a crowbar storm.

Financial Bailout Required.

'Good and bad news, sir. In lieu of a bailout, they're giving us a telethon.'

"This looks like a pyramid scheme!"

"You owe us $17,234.82, plus postage and handling."

"Just a minute, sir! Uncle Sam wants his tax cut on your ill gotten loot."

"Don't ask me about the economy, going forward. I was the boss of the banks in the 2008 crash."

The bank manager called. He never wants to see you again.

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

"Yes, the award is shaped like a pyramid, but I prefer the term Ponzi."

'I'm afraid you can't list your unemployed husband as a dependent.'

"Our ad does say we offer low interest rates, but we have an even lower interest in giving you one."

'I can get you some private medical insurance but it would cost you an arm and a leg.'

'Of course, you'll be paid a generous scapegoat bonus.'

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

Financial Adviser: 'How's my lying?'

Spot the difference.

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

'I wonder how the economy is doing.'

Greek Crisis

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'