Financial Satirist Gifts

'And here's Ted with his, always accurate, post-market predictions.'

Offshore tax havens.

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

'Cutting back to a single securities regulator is a good idea. After that, one more reduction and our troubles are over.'

"It's only by cultivating a deep mutual trusting relationship with clients that you'll get the chance to shaft them more than once!"

"The treasurer's report will be delayed until the 6th race at Ascot."

'I'd like one of those loans I won't have to pay back.'

ATM machine goes 'GAME OVER'.

'Actually, we were planning to use the money to buy a box of cereal.'

Business people buying greeting cards.

The sixth college sense. 'I see debt people.'

'He's our new portfolio manager.'

'Gentlemen, it's time we tightened our belts.'

'Your money? -- does it or does it not have 'United States Treasury' printed on it?'

'Money was down again in relation to love and happiness.'

"Fraud ..what fraud?... " SEC

"How would you like to pay? Cash, VISA or endowment mortgage?"

Blame it on the poor.

How Banking Started

'The next few days are critical. We're going to slowly introduce her to cash.'

''It was the best of times, it was the worst of times'...does that mean accountants cooked the books?'

'. . . and, now a word from the company's former treasurer about our financial status.'

Gravestone: Go ahead, bill me.

Have you been dressing up these company accounts again?

'I want to run some tests to see why you haven't been paying your bill.'

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

'It's a 'wish you were here card' from your money in the Cayman Islands.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Prescriptions Financed

'Henderson, I have it from a reliable source that the sky is falling - SELL!'

"Every day I ask myself, 'Am I embezzling enough for retirement?' "

'Looks like the economy is recovering!'

Prescriptions Financed

See no evil...hear no evil..SEC wouldn't recognise evil if it came and sat on his face.

'I can't put my finger on it, but something doesn't seem right.'