Banking Satirist Gifts

Bank cashpoint reads 'Don't take too much we're having a crisis'.

'In a nutshell, if you can prove to me that you don't need a mortgage, I will give you one.'

'We decided to borrow the whole bank.'

"The bank has completed the loan application review phase. We're now in the loan denial phase."

'I think they're overdoing this merger business.'

'Since you just came in to say hello, there'll only be a nominal service charge.'

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

RBS Cash Machine - Cash Available 24/7

Zork has one of those unbelievable moments of discovery.

Bank Stress Test

'To our loyal customers - after our recent scandal, let us know why you still trust us'

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

'So when I couldn't pay the mortgage, the bank offered me this rescue package!'

"We hope it will prompt you to make a substantial loan to us."

Who is Goldman and who is Sachs?

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

'I thought up the term 'too big to fail'. So where's my bonus?'

"If you can comfortably pay off any new loan, you obviously don't need one..."

Bank Loans: "No questions asked."

Friendly Yet Reserved Bank

"It's my money, isn't it? So why can't i visit it if I want to?"

"I only asked how much interest on my money the bank will give if I open an account in the bank."

'Now THIS upsets me. A credit application with postage due.'

'I want to open a joint account with the riches man in town. . .'

'Oog decided to become a predatory LENDER.'

Key in PIN No.

Bank Deposits

'To placate the public, we've done away with the cash bonuses and have found another way to compensate you.'

'I only planned to rob one bank... but they just kept opening more convenient branches.'

'Your mom likes you ... well, heck, that's all we need.'

Online banking - robbery.

"How would you describe our business plan for spending these funds?...in 25 word or less?"

'You want identification? Yes, that's definitely me in the mirror!'

'No, I don't need a home equity loan, but I am curious how you were able to reach me on my stethoscope.'

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."