Finance Satirists Gifts

'They've capped all bonuses for bankers.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

Spot the difference.

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

The transparent safe box of Panama

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

Our Founder picture of a caveman: 'We're a very, very old firm.'

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

"'Start a company, make money.' Your business plan may be missing a few steps in the middle."

'I wonder how the economy is doing.'

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

"I'm so glad you decided to participate in our Money for Employment program."

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

This government special reserve fund is like a cookie jar for crooked cronies!

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

'Of course, in the long term we're all extinct.'

Your son has a genetic inability to calculate. This forecasts for him a brilliant career in the Ministry of Finance.

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

'I blame Iceland - it's PAYBACK!'

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

"We disagree with the president - we kinda like Robin Hood - we take from everyone and keep it - how much more successful can you get?"