Finance Satire Fan Gifts

'I rob Peter to pay Paul -- What do you do for a living?'

'I think we have a place for you in our predatory lending department.'

'But if we don't pay huge bonuses our top staff will just leave and go and ruin someone else's business!'

'It's true their security is better here but they don't have overdraft fees.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

Spot the difference.

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

Loan Alley

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Non-Power Breakfast

"He'll do anything to say in power."

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

Scapegoat of the Year

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

"It's a swearbox."

Jumping Wall Street.

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

Stoneage business ethics: 'But, hey, this 'ethics' stuff isn't carved in stone!'

"Already sold your soul to the company? Listen, I'll have my people talk to their people."

'You'll never succeed until the kissing up becomes instinctual.'

"Gentlemen, may I present our company's future. A buggy whip... with Bluetooth!"

'I wonder how the economy is doing.'